I figured out that if I have my kids hold on to my cell phone, I will never forget them anywhere again.
Actually, the guy who paid for the first prostitute must've had the world's oldest profession.
The top ten things men know about women: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.
I don't understand why cars honk at me when the red hand is obviously telling to stop.
When I die, I want to be cremated and put inside an Etch-a-Sketch.
Did she just say her name is Lasagna?
I almost sharted in a long line at the grocery store tonight. The whole time I felt like I was about to mule heroine through airport security.