Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
Why do people say grow some balls? Balls are weak and vulnerable, if you want to toughen up grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.
I want to change my name on Facebook to "No One," so when I try to add people, it will say, "No One wants to be your friend."
Please don't say you just had a newborn baby. If you say you just had a baby, the newborn part is assumed. Nobody thinks you just pushed a 12 year old out of your crotch.
I've never seen a tombstone that read: "Died from not forwarding that text to ten people."
Kidnapping? I prefer the term "surprise adoption".
It's not hotter this year. It's just that you are fatter and there is more surface area for the sun to hit.