Funny Statuses

The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged my own groceries until I unpacked them all and said "That's how I want you to do it"

People cheating on their taxes disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 23 dependents in...

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't flick your friends out the car window

If I had a Delorean, I would probably only drive it from time to time.

I wish I had as much closet space as people in horror movies.

Why the heck do underwear and socks come in resealable bags but potato chips don’t?

Just discovered that spilling hot coffee in your lap wakes you up a lot faster than drinking it!