Funny Statuses

‪If you’re arguing loudly on your cell in public, please put it on speaker. I need to hear both side of the story. ‬

Good camo pants are hard to find.

‪I was drinking at a bar then I took a bus home. That doesn’t seems very odd to you but I’ve never driven a bus before ‬

People get mad at the teenagers trick or treating when the real freeloaders are the parents with the infants.

‪instead of a condom, carry a moist towelette in your wallet. You run into chicken wings a lot more offer than sex. ‬

‪Im doing crunches twice a day now. Captain in the in the morning and Nestle in the afternoon ‬

How are turkeys ever awake with all of that tryptophan in them?