Funny Statuses

#17305
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Florida
If you see me jogging, please kill whatever the hell is chasing me.
#17314
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Florida
I really need to buy a new toaster. Mine has only two settings: "is it even on?" and "Viking Funeral".
#17303
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Xyuppi
If you hear 20 minutes of moaning coming out of my bedroom. It’s just me trying to get up.
#17308
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Kristian Alekov
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.
#17318
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Xyuppi
‪I’ve done terrible things for money. Like getting up early to go to work. ‬
#17320
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Xyuppi
Self checkout should include an employee discount.
#17301
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Xyuppi
I'm gonna get my life together. This damn heat makes me realize I can’t go to Hell
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