Funny Statuses

Remember, when you sneeze and fart at the same time, it is just your body taking a screenshot.

‪I used to sneak out of my house to go to parties. Now I sneak out of parties to go to my house. ‬

My extra sensitive toothpaste doesn't like it when I use other toothpastes.

Tables are made so we don’t eat on the floor. Tablecloths were made so we don’t eat on the table. Place mats were made so we don’t eat off of the tablecloth. Plates were made so we don’t eat off the place mats.

Grandpa: Don't come in here honey, I just passed a silent but deadly. Grandma: Your hearing aid needs new batteries.