Funny Statuses

I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it. If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.

I never thought I’d reach a point in my life where my hands have consumed more alcohol than my mouth.

The spread of the coronavirus is based on two factors. 1) How dense the population is. 2) How dense the population is.

I bet Canada feels like they are living in the apartment above a Meth Lab.

‪My ability to remember a song lyric from the 80’s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the kitchen. ‬

When quarantine is over, let’s not tell some people.

‪I’m gonna ask my mom if that offer to slap me into the next year still on the table. ‬