Funny Statuses

I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it. If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.

I never thought I’d reach a point in my life where my hands have consumed more alcohol than my mouth.

I bet Canada feels like they are living in the apartment above a Meth Lab.

‪I’m gonna ask my mom if that offer to slap me into the next year still on the table. ‬

The way America is handling the Coronavirus, I'm surprised Mexico hasn't paid to finish the wall yet.

I am having a weird day, first I found a hat full of money, then I got chased by a guy with a guitar.

If 2020 had a flavor. It would be orange juice and toothpaste.