Funny Statuses

So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m

I’m staring a petition for Barbara Walters to do the Ball Drop next New Year just to hear her say “ I’m Barbara Walters, and this is 2020”

I'm not sure what shocked my mailman more, the fact that I came to the door completely naked, or the fact that I knew where he lived.

A friend asked me why scuba divers always fall backwards into the water. I told him if they fell forwards they would still be in the boat.

I just found out cockfighting is done with roosters. That's 12 months of training wasted.

The liquor store clerk just wished me a Merry Christmas. As if he wasn't going to see me 5 more times before then.

I have all the world's knowledge at the very tips of my fingers where I can find the answers to life's most perplexing questions! and here I am googling "What did Oscar the Grouch do if he overslept on trash day?"