Funny Statuses

So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m

I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."

Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know I’m not a serial killer? I replied the chances of two serial killer’s being in the same car are astronomical.

I’m staring a petition for Barbara Walters to do the Ball Drop next New Year just to hear her say “ I’m Barbara Walters, and this is 2020”

I'm not sure what shocked my mailman more, the fact that I came to the door completely naked, or the fact that I knew where he lived.

I just found out cockfighting is done with roosters. That's 12 months of training wasted.

I have all the world's knowledge at the very tips of my fingers where I can find the answers to life's most perplexing questions! and here I am googling "What did Oscar the Grouch do if he overslept on trash day?"