Funny Statuses

I don't want to party like it's 1999, I want to grocery shop like it is 1999.
I found $20 laying in the parking lot and thought to myself “What would Jesus do?” So, I turned it into wine.
#17842
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Xyuppi
The only blizzard conditions I am interested in are from Dairy Queen.
#17849
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Florida
I'm bored. I think I'll go to WalMart, find a great parking spot and sit in the truck with my reverse lights on for awhile.
#17852
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Xyuppi
I keep saying Alexa when I mean to say Siri and I just cant believe that I live in a time where i am getting my servant robots' names mixed up.
Is it just me or do you think there's something terribly wrong with YouTube playing a 30 second commercial from their sponsor before watching a How to operate a fire extinguisher during an emergency video?
#17851
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Florida
I’m getting stronger with age. I can now lift $100 worth of groceries with one hand
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