WTF Statuses

I was late for my first Fight Club last night so I missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I’d highly recommend Fight Club.

The Beach: Where salt actually lowers your blood pressure.

The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged my own groceries until I unpacked them all and said "That's how I want you to do it"

I'm paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.

Just a word of advice to all you single guys out there. If you want to meet someone nice forget the dating sites or facebook and check the freezer section and down the cat food aisle.

I thought the internet was originally created to save time. So what happened?

When a vampire is sleeping you could draw anything on its face and it would never know.