Cyberbilly
Last night we were in bed and I asked my wife "What would you like to do to my body more than anything else?" She said "Identify it."
I gotta b the only person on earth that finds The Green Mile hilarious
I cut my finger when changing the spark plugs on my car. This proves that it *is* possible to get blood out of a tune-up.
I bet blind people don't skydive because it would scare the shit out of their dog.
Cyberbilly
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their car keys.
I gotta quit bloody sharting when I laugh
Just wrote "he gets rescued from pirates by a timetravelling dinosaur in a hot air balloon" as a note to myself for tomorrow. I love my job.