Hey Alanis Morissette! Getting a girl pregnant on a "pull-out" couch. That's IRONIC.
I will be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti, and a future archeologist will have one awesome day at work.
I can't understand why some people cry when chopping onions. Personally I find it better to not get emotionally attached .
I wanna get Transitions Lens LASIK surgery, so that when I'm out in the sun my eyes go black and children will run away from me.
Today I realized that Mario is definitely homeless. He wakes up every day wearing the same clothes, runs around in sewers, beats up people for their money, and what does he spend it on? Mushrooms.
It all makes sense now. Pot and gay marriage legalized in the same day. (Leviticus 20:13 "If a man lays with another man, he should be stoned.") Well. I guess we've just been misinterpreting it all these years...
I'm going to change my name on Facebook to "benefits" so that when you add me, it will say, "You are now friends with benefits."