I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. "My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl."
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they get up in the morning that's the best they're going to feel all day.
Ha! I just finished a puzzle in 8 months and the box said 2-3 years!
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
Whenever I see hitchhikers, I just pretend they're telling me that I'm doing a great job driving.
Adele might set fire to rain... but SpongeBob can make a campfire under water.
Anyone remember the good old days before Facebook, Instagram and Twitter? When you had to take a photo of your dinner, then get the film developed, then go around to all your friends' houses to show them the picture of your dinner? No? Me neither.