Funny Status Ideas

Although I can still party like an absolute rock star, it would appear that I cannot recover like one.

Starting to make bread early for Easter... apparently it takes three days to rise

The ship stuck in the Suez Canal is blocking so much important stuff they've decided to rename it the USS Mitch McConnell.

My New Year's resolution is to be more punctual.

Children are the greatest gift of all, but punch some holes in the box so they can breathe.

Remember when the air at gas stations for your tires was free? Good times, good years.

Leprechauns are just Santa's elves who got fired from the workshop for drinking on the job.