Funny Status Ideas

Sometimes asking if there's anything good on television is like asking if there's anything delicious in the toilet.

Sad to say at this point in life my nest egg would barely make a crappy omelet.

Cannibals don't have funerals, just impromptu buffets.

As your kids get older, their birthday parties become less fun, because you have to start inviting THEIR friends.

If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?

I'm excited I won as well but let's not go overboard here, computer solitaire.

It's not that I'm suicidal but jumping off a building onto a trampoline held by firemen sounds like so much fun.