Funny Status Ideas

Forget Bert and Ernie, it was Fred and Barney that had a gay old time.

Pretty stoked the Tooth fairy doesn't exist. Some creep that sneaks into a kid's bedroom, while they sleep, for souvenirs is traumatizing.

A critic is a legless man who teaches other people to run.

I have a half brother....no seriously, he's a midget.

I saw a mosquito stand on my arm and let it bite me while I just stared and said "is it in yet?" to make it feel insecure about itself.

Wife called and said she's bringing me a salad home from McDonalds...that's like going to a hooker for a hug.

I got excited when I made this cute baby smile. Then she put it in perspective by giggling at the fat slob next to me when he burped.