Funny Status Ideas

Every day I say a little prayer of thanks that no one I know can read my mind.

Obama says we can't afford the same political games right now. Invites GOP to play Battleship or Monopoly instead.

I am DTF! I love to fly. Haven't been on a plane in years! Mid flight I enjoy a nice GTL, gin, tonic and lime. What?

An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

I purposely cry while cutting carrots so onions don't think they're ugly or something.

Right now, one of our future presidents is watching Jersey Shore in a mustard-stained Justin Bieber t-shirt. We did this to ourselves.

My sock puppet keeps me company in waiting rooms. It also keeps strangers from sitting next to me so win/win really.