Funny Status Ideas

When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise.

If fake tans make you look more attractive then logically so will rolling your naked body in Cheetos dust.

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Not to brag but my new mistress is a lingerie model. Ok, fine, mannequin. But she doesn't talk much and I like that.

A penny saved is a Congressional spending oversight.

Forget Bert and Ernie, it was Fred and Barney that had a gay old time.

Pretty stoked the Tooth fairy doesn't exist. Some creep that sneaks into a kid's bedroom, while they sleep, for souvenirs is traumatizing.