Funny Status Ideas

Every time I go to Taco Bell I get diarrhea. Perhaps next time, I should get tacos.

It would be awesome if we had an alarm clock that puts us to sleep instantly at a certain time instead of waking us up.

My debit card is starting to feel like a gift card. "Not sure how much is on this, but we'll give it a try."

As a kid you avoid swearing in front of adults. As an adult you avoid swearing in front of kids.

It's kind of patronizing that a computer asks you to prove you're not a robot.

I’m staring a petition for Barbara Walters to do the Ball Drop next New Year just to hear her say “ I’m Barbara Walters, and this is 2020”

I messed up already. 2020 is going to be my year for sure.