Funny Status Ideas

I wonder if Foosball tables look like mini shishkabob buffets to a cannibal.

An elderly man is stopped by the police at 2a.m and is asked where he was going at this time of night. The man replies, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effect it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." The officer asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, That would be my wife."

why does a dog smell worse than a human? cause a dog has four armpits.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Shia LaBeouf is what happens when you name your child from a random rack of Scrabble tiles.

I went to my hypnotist for my insomnia. I was just looking to pay for the "You're getting very sleepy..." part.

If the world doesn't end on December 21, 2012, I have a feeling there will be a lot of babies born on September 20, 2013