Funny Status Ideas

I wonder if workers at adult websites get in trouble for viewing non-adult sites during the workday. Johnson, we have been monitoring your browsing history. CNN? Amazon? Bed Bath and Beyond? We're not paying you to look at garbage.

I hope that Jessica Biel someday has a son, and names him "Batmo".

Does the term don't drop the soap in jail apply to women prisons?

Has anyone ever noticed that drive through ATMs have Braille on all the buttons? Who's idea was it that blind people would be driving, let alone be capable of finding the bank?

I don't think gastroenterologists should go around using the phrase "tongue in cheek."

My hipster doctor cut out a tumor before it got big.

Wtf? The neighbor came knocking at my door at 2:30 in the morning. Luckily for him I was still up playing drums.