Funny Status Ideas

There needs to be a breast cancer awareness t-shirt that says, "Yes they're fake. My real ones tried to kill me!"

My mom asked me how Twitter works so I explained it to her. Then she asked if Twitter is the reason why I don't have a girlfriend.

Jokes about blind people are cruel because they never see 'em coming.

Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute sax solo.

My grandma got a disease from sharing needles. Just say no to knitting.

What did E do that was so bad that it got left out of the grading system?

College students in 8:00am classes are probably the closest thing to zombies that the world will ever have.