Funny Status Ideas

I gave up on mankind when the guy at blockbuster asked if I rewound the DVD

My parents told me I should play in the street often, a street called I-95.....

There's no I in team, but there are two in Schizophrenia.

Just dropped my ipod in a glass of apple juice. The irony is killing me.

So I'm stuck in traffic and nothing is moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on my window. I roll down the window and ask, "What's going on?" he says "Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and are asking for a $10 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection." "How much is everyone giving, on average?" I ask. The man replies, "About a gallon."

I wonder if workers at adult websites get in trouble for viewing non-adult sites during the workday. Johnson, we have been monitoring your browsing history. CNN? Amazon? Bed Bath and Beyond? We're not paying you to look at garbage.

I hope that Jessica Biel someday has a son, and names him "Batmo".