Funny Status Ideas

I don't know why people are worrying about being hit by a bus-sized satellite. You're far more likely to be hit by a satellite-sized bus.

You cannot fix anything by worrying and knowing this concerns me.

Some people are like fine wines. You pretend to enjoy them so you don't look bad.

When a cowboy breaks his leg, I think his horse should be allowed to shoot him.

Jokes about dyslexia are as easy as A, C, B.

If you want to be a leader with a large following, just obey the speed limit on a winding, two-lane road.

“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” is an awesome phrase, but it’s a horrible way to tell your kid they’re adopted.