Funny Status Ideas

When my wife gets a little upset, sometimes a simple "calm down" in a soothing voice is all it takes to get her a lot upset.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people asking questions.

I child-proofed my house, but they still got in.

You know you're old when the prize at the bottom of the cereal box is a regular bowel movement.

We're to the point where Facebook has access to more info on us than Homeland Security.

Asking a pessimist his opinion is like asking a fire hydrant how it feels about dogs.

me: dad can i go to a 50 cent concert Dad: here's a dollar take your sister too