Funny Status Ideas

Don't forget to wake up that guy from Green Day tomorrow.

I was never the class clown. I was more of a trapeze artist because I was always being suspended.

Husband tried to piss me off by telling me he slept with my best friend. I said "Great! Now she knows I lied about the amazing sex!"

I saw a sign that said "Deaf Children Drive Carefully". I didn't know they drove at all.

I think we should start calling it "uncommon sense" for the sake of accuracy.

If a car alarm blares for more than 9 seconds without a response, it should be perfectly legal to set the car on fire.

I refuse to eat any cured meats until I can find out what they were cured of.