Funny Status Ideas

If you're wondering why obesity is so prevalent in the states I have three words for you: Hungry, Hungry Hippos. It trained us well.

I wish I could sign a kid's baseball and have it mean something other than "You just ruined my baseball."

You know a song's about to go downhill lyrically when they start counting for no apparent reason.

I asked my cable company for a window of time when the repair guy would show up. Apparently it’ll be sometime during the Cenozoic era.

"Friendship is like peeing yourself; everyone can see it but only you get that warm feeling."

If you watch Jaws backwards it's about a shark that keeps barfing up people so that a beach can be opened.

Why do people use the phrase "work like a dog" ? I wish I worked like my dog. I would sleep 18 hours a day.