Funny Status Ideas

Husband tried to piss me off by telling me he slept with my best friend. I said "Great! Now she knows I lied about the amazing sex!"

I saw a sign that said "Deaf Children Drive Carefully". I didn't know they drove at all.

I think we should start calling it "uncommon sense" for the sake of accuracy.

If a car alarm blares for more than 9 seconds without a response, it should be perfectly legal to set the car on fire.

I refuse to eat any cured meats until I can find out what they were cured of.

Cleavage is like the sun. You can look, but it's dangerous to stare.

Hey, army. You should probably camouflage your helicopters blue, not green.