Funny Status Ideas

A sperm bank is the only bank that you lose interest after making a deposit.

Shoutout to my friends who are hard of hearing

I'm paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.

The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged my own groceries until I unpacked them all and said "That's how I want you to do it"

The Beach: Where salt actually lowers your blood pressure.

When a vampire is sleeping you could draw anything on its face and it would never know.

If I had a Delorean, I would probably only drive it from time to time.