Funny Status Ideas

They should make Hoarders Highlander where hoarders fight other hoarders and the winner gets all the stuff.

I love my DVR. Now I can whizz through the commercials instead of during them.

You know, Alanis Morissette could probably just trade one or two of her spoons for a knife if she really needs one.

It doesn't matter how often a married man changes jobs. He still ends up with the same boss.

Never go to bed angry with your spouse. Lay awake and plot revenge instead.

People say the early bird catches the worm. They never talk about the early worm though....

Being a parent may be thankless but at least the pay is terrible.