Funny Status Ideas

You know, Alanis Morissette could probably just trade one or two of her spoons for a knife if she really needs one.

It doesn't matter how often a married man changes jobs. He still ends up with the same boss.

Never go to bed angry with your spouse. Lay awake and plot revenge instead.

People say the early bird catches the worm. They never talk about the early worm though....

Being a parent may be thankless but at least the pay is terrible.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake.

L.A. traffic is so bad it would be quicker to ride piggyback on a midget with a limp.