Funny Status Ideas

You know you're ghetto when the sorting hat puts you in Waffle House.

My car having a key-less ignition has saved a lot of idiots that park way too close to me so much money on car repairs.

Is it weirder that a guy tried to get cans of green beans through airport security or that they didn't let him?

Moses would be the best lifeguard ever.

It's all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.

They should make Hoarders Highlander where hoarders fight other hoarders and the winner gets all the stuff.

I love my DVR. Now I can whizz through the commercials instead of during them.