Funny Status Ideas

You say "couple holding hands". I say "spontaneous red rover".

The most terrifying question a woman can ask a man is: Notice anything different?

Steve Jobs was born out of wedlock, put up for adoption at birth, dropped out of college, then changed the world. What's your excuse?

Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.

My dog sheds so much I dropped my jacket on the floor and when I wore it today some animal rights activists threw red paint on it.

*Spoiler Alert!* The milk in my fridge a week past the expiration date.

My heart is syncing... RIP Steve Jobs