Funny Status Ideas

Steve Jobs was born out of wedlock, put up for adoption at birth, dropped out of college, then changed the world. What's your excuse?

Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.

My dog sheds so much I dropped my jacket on the floor and when I wore it today some animal rights activists threw red paint on it.

*Spoiler Alert!* The milk in my fridge a week past the expiration date.

My heart is syncing... RIP Steve Jobs

Babies with sunglasses are hilarious. They're like tiny blind, jazz musicians.

Completing a jury duty form online is so convenient because googling how to get out of it is that much closer.