Funny Status Ideas

So in "Harry Potter" their sport involves catching a "snitch"? That sounds a lot like my neighborhood.

Say "no" to drugs because talking to inanimate objects is the best way to show people you're sober.

Cool Hand Luke = Paul Newman. Cool hand, Luke = Mark Hamill

Where do you think Noah kept the termites on his giant wooden boat?

Someone needs to open a bar named "The Gym".

My money keeps unfollowing me.

The next person that steals my identity can f'ing keep it.