Funny Status Ideas

I just bought a Swiss car. It runs like clockwork, but I can't figure out how to get it out of neutral.

If this guy doesn't get elected I will take out a national ad during Yo Gabba Gabba saying Santa isn't real. The choice is yours voters

On Twitter, never judge a hot woman by his avi.

I just laughed at the thought of a rapper owning a cat.

If I were one of those kids listening to the story, I would've interrupted by now and said, "Dear god, WHEN Did You Meet Our Mother?

So in "Harry Potter" their sport involves catching a "snitch"? That sounds a lot like my neighborhood.

Say "no" to drugs because talking to inanimate objects is the best way to show people you're sober.