Funny Status Ideas

Double-negatives are a no-no.

I know that when one door closes another always opens, but man these hallways are a bitch!

Even those starving kids in Africa wouldn't eat my mom's cooking.

My girlfriend wants to get married. I really do hope she meets someone nice.

I can be a morning person after all. I just can't go to bed the night before.

I hope I'm never as visibly frustrated as the people in infomercials "doing it the old fashioned way"

The present-day leading cause of cancer is WebMD's symptom checker.