Funny Status Ideas

Both teams at the Superbowl were playing like they know whoever wins goes to The White House.

Why is there an eject button on the Blu Ray remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It's like having a remote to open the fridge door...

Just once in my life I'd love to properly make just the perfect amount of spaghetti for myself. Anyways, if you're hungry come on over. And bring like five friends.

People cheating on their taxes disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 23 dependents in...

Just a word of advice to all you single guys out there. If you want to meet someone nice forget the dating sites or facebook and check the freezer section and down the cat food aisle.

I think there’s finally enough stuff in my kitchen junk drawer to build a spaceship.

I don't understand people who take a hundred selfies and then pick the best one to post. I mean how do they roll in real life if they look like the other 99?