Funny Status Ideas

I want "Wake me if anything cool happens" on my tombstone.

Why do people say "Nice to meet you" before I've even said anything? How do you know it's nice to meet me? I'm a jerk.

Halloween is the season for haunted hayrides. How much would your afterlife suck if you were forced to haunt hay for eternity?

I'm a cubic zirconia in the rough.

I've been trying to throw away my garbage can for 7 months.

There's enough alcohol in my house to put me in the hospital yet I'm completely sober. Does that mean I'm an adult?

A plastic surgeon gets paid way more than a tire mechanic even though they both get paid to fix flats.