Funny Status Ideas

Halloween is the season for haunted hayrides. How much would your afterlife suck if you were forced to haunt hay for eternity?

I'm a cubic zirconia in the rough.

I've been trying to throw away my garbage can for 7 months.

There's enough alcohol in my house to put me in the hospital yet I'm completely sober. Does that mean I'm an adult?

A plastic surgeon gets paid way more than a tire mechanic even though they both get paid to fix flats.

According to new research, too much sex can cause temporary amnesia. Finally, something that explains my photographic memory.

Why do they call it "the birds and the bees"? I can't imagine those two getting freaky with each other.