Funny Status Ideas

Relationships are like farts, you shouldn't force one that's not there or the end result could be crappy.

Double Dare was a great parallel of life. If you're too dumb to succeed using your brain, you'd better be good at physical labor.

Nurse, "There's a man in the waiting room who claims he's invisible." Doctor, "Tell him I can't see him."

I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.

Facebook is still the best way to keep in touch with people you don't want to keep in touch with.

I want "Wake me if anything cool happens" on my tombstone.

Why do people say "Nice to meet you" before I've even said anything? How do you know it's nice to meet me? I'm a jerk.