Funny Status Ideas

Why aren't cough drops called anti-cough drops? We don't use bacterial soap.

My therapist thinks I have a god complex. How dare he say that unto me?

Dr. House should go ahead and just go with his third guess

I don't know what I'd do without you guys but I bet it would be something productive.

Commercials for toilet paper make it seem like I'll be cuddling with the poop instead of wiping with it.

Life is too short to hold your farts in.

My daughter asked "What runs in our family?" The only thing I could think of was "mental illness".