Funny Status Ideas

Dr. House should go ahead and just go with his third guess

I don't know what I'd do without you guys but I bet it would be something productive.

Commercials for toilet paper make it seem like I'll be cuddling with the poop instead of wiping with it.

Life is too short to hold your farts in.

My daughter asked "What runs in our family?" The only thing I could think of was "mental illness".

Doctors say that one piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off of your life. That has to be the longest & most delicious form of suicide I have ever heard.

If there's one thing everybody can agree on, it's that people can't agree on anything.