Funny Status Ideas

Just discovered that spilling hot coffee in your lap wakes you up a lot faster than drinking it!

I thought the internet was originally created to save time. So what happened?

Why the heck do underwear and socks come in resealable bags but potato chips don’t?

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't flick your friends out the car window

I snuck popcorn into the movie theater but they won’t let me use their microwave.

Going back to the gym is a lot like being born. I know it needs to happen and I can’t stay home forever, but I’m still gonna cry about it.

They shouldn't have named it a baggage carousel if they didn't want me to ride it.