Funny Status Ideas

90% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook are people that I know, but intentionally choose not to be friends with.

Ever seen Cookie Monster’s feet? No! That’s diabetes for you.

Let's hope the jokes about Kim Kardashian's marriage don't last longer than Kim Kardashian's marriage.

Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all of the other prescription drugs.

Before I get married, I plan to have my fiance run for president so any bad stuff he's done comes out.

According to my neighbor's journal, I have "boundary issues."

It's smart how Freddy Krueger never attacked a community college. He knew he couldn't kill people whose dreams have already died.