Funny Status Ideas

"Scent" is the sense most tied to memory. "Common" is the sense least tied to people.

If Lindsay Lohan goes to jail she will be sequestered from the prison population because the judge doesn’t want them getting a contact high.

I'll have a sandwich, hold the mustard. That's right, hold it gently. Now whisper something sexy to it. Good, good.

I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"

Flava Flav is sure going to be busy setting all his jewelry back one hour tonight.

Spotify posts on Facebook have made it so much easier to decide what music I'm not going to listen to anymore.

"It's not you, it's me." - twins looking at family photos