Funny Status Ideas

When the clock factory burned, there was some second hand smoke.

No one was donating money to the child cancer fund at work so I changed the sign to "Robot Shark Research." Little Billy's gonna make it.

I have sexdaily! Crap, I mean dyslexia.

I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.

In a thousand or so years, archaeologists are going to dig up tanning beds and think we cooked people as punishment.

1,000,000 sperm and you were the fastest?

If anyone's interested, I'll be signing books today at Barnes & Noble from 3 pm until I'm removed by security.