Funny Status Ideas

I have sexdaily! Crap, I mean dyslexia.

I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.

In a thousand or so years, archaeologists are going to dig up tanning beds and think we cooked people as punishment.

1,000,000 sperm and you were the fastest?

If anyone's interested, I'll be signing books today at Barnes & Noble from 3 pm until I'm removed by security.

You are NOT beautiful on the inside. I've taken anatomy classes. Gross stuff.

Funny how, when you honk at me for stopping to let one car go, I suddenly get the urge to let five or six cars go.