Funny Status Ideas

I had a messy fling with an older woman once. You should have heard her scream when I let go of the catapult.

If Justin Beiber and Rebecca Black were drowning and you could only save one, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

Beer is a gateway drug to aspirin.

My boss is one in a million. I'm just hoping this lightning storm thinks so too...

My dog ate a condom yesterday. Now try explaining THAT to the vet as it's hanging halfway out of his butt!

Darth Vader would suck at Hide and Seek. You can always hear him breathing.

What do caps lock and prison have in common? They can make your "o" into an "O"