Funny Status Ideas

Japan is always talking about how they're becoming "americanized" which is not true. No one even speaks Spanish over there

I've been sober for seventeen days. Just not all in a row.

I love the grocery store. It's the one place where someone always ends up checking me out.

It's not an ABC Family show until someone gets pregnant.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio

I'm sorry, Siri, but if I wanted my phone to talk to me I would answer my calls.

Alcohol - The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance "medicine"