Funny Status Ideas

I pointed to two hags sitting across the bar and told my friend "That's us in 10 years". She said "That's a mirror".

I was just in a store that sells hipster gear and I couldn't believe the prices. I never realized that it costs so much to look that poor.

Sometimes I watch basketball holding a ps3 controller just to screw with my grandpa's head.

Dear girls who have been dumped, There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead. Sincerely, BP

The internet is a terrifying place for people with a phobia of cute cats.

Guys do a pretty good impression of a meerkat whenever a pretty girl walks into a crowded bar.

Men have three basic hairstlyles: parted, unparted and departed.