Funny Status Ideas

Being unattractive is just playing the dating game on hard mode.

You call it it multiple personalities. I call it social networking in my head.

Marriage advice. Twice a week the wife and I go out for a nice, relaxing meal. She goes on Mondays and I go on Fridays.

Oh damn, we've had the baby monitor backwards all this time! No wonder my farts kept waking them up from across the house.

Ever notice how Voldemort has a diary, necklace, ring, tiara, and an obsession with a famous teenage boy? Apparently no one but me finds this awkward.

If my body is a temple, it is to an angry and vengeful god.

There should be a "sleep in the car" option if you land on someone's hotel in Monopoly.