Funny Status Ideas

I'm getting a mistletoe tramp stamp so everyone knows they can kiss my ass.

Teaching my kid how to spell. They're having a tough time, but I give them an "A" for Affort.

When eating to celebrate the holidays, remember that a waist is a terrible thing to mind.

One of the best feelings in the world is not having to set your alarm clock.

This Thanksgiving, I'll be roasting a pheasant stuffed with a duck that's been stuffed with mutton. I'll be serving a hot Phuckewe.

Why don't you slip into something a little more comfortable? ...like a coma.

Picture Darth Vader singing "A Few of My Favorite Things" and you'll have some idea of the kind of thoughts that go through my head daily.