Funny Status Ideas

Why aren't lawyers sworn to tell the truth along with everyone else at the proceedings?

I won’t take a bullet for anyone because if I have time to jump in front of a bullet, you have time to move.

How come when I stay in bed all day it's "depression," but when animals do it it's "hibernating"?

I'm still scarred from the first time I tried to find Dick's Sporting Goods' website.

Twilight did to vampires what Brokeback Mountain did to cowboys.

The suburbs: Where they rip out trees, and name streets after them.

Saw a Chinese Santa Claus in the mall today. At first I thought it pretty strange, but since all the toys come from China, that does seem to make perfect sense...