Funny Status Ideas

The ABC in ABC family should represent 'anything but condoms.'

Autocorrect has been around for centuries. I got mine when I married my wife.

I'm scotch-tape-and-toilet-paper-for-bandaids poor.

Lots of people complain about their looks. But not nearly enough complain about their brains.

Thanks for reminding me to "have a safe trip." I was going to roll down a cliff and let the river float me to my destination. Close call.

I was expelled from school on pajama day. Not my fault I sleep naked.

The NBA is back to play the remaining 75% of the season. Which is perfect for LeBron James because he only plays 3 quarters anyway.