Funny Status Ideas

When are they going to air the commercial where the recipient of a car in a giant ribbon says, "A LEXUS! We can’t afford this, you idiot!"?

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me!

Hello friends sorry I have been quiet but my wife likes it that way!

Popsicle sticks: $1. caramel: $3. onion: $4. watching your friends bite into a caramel onion thinking its an apple: priceless.

I don't understand why cars honk at me when the red hand is obviously telling to stop.

Funny new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Bob.

I work out every morning, and when I'm done I delete my browsing history