Funny Status Ideas

Can Santa Claus see what I'm looking at even when I have it switched to Private Browsing?

I plan on showing my kid reruns of the show Dirty Jobs to convince him to stay in school.

The first rule of Thesaurus Club is, you don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club.

How am I supposed to work when there's so much internet?

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute.

If I die in my sleep you can actually say that I died doing what I loved.

Being a virgin in this day and age is something to be proud of. You're like a freaking unicorn.